Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Does "quaint" stain?

Today Steff and I went to a neighboring town, that shall remain nameless cos I am about to disparage the hell out it, to pick up my father's birthday gift. It was one of those days where no matter what you try it just doesn't work out.

We stopped at a Mexican restaurant because I have yet to find a Mexican restaurant here. I was a lunatic regular at Casa Maya in Williamsburg. They knew our whole family there and what we ordered and how we liked things. I miss Taquitos Dorados like crazy - still. So we walk in and we are greeted with the scent of sour dish rag. Hmmm - now granted my house smells like garbage can because of the left over kim-chee in my frig so I am willing to be a bit forgiving. My sister, Ms. Germ A Phobe, is looking doubtful. We walk over to a table and it was the nail in the coffin - the clean table was dirty. Blow the whistle, call the game, we are outta here.

So, we go to the downtown section where you pass through a time portal and jump back to the 1950's - the EARLY 50's. We eat at the drugstore soda fountain counter where the waitress calls you "luvbug" and "honey". Where you watch the burgers frying on the grill and the dishwasher is so close he can splash water on you. And the clientele is ... well... interesting, diverse and not from this freakin' century. I mean this could be the setting for a Steven King novel where the grill lady is a serial cop killer at night and a burger flipper during the day. And every single seat is filled. This place is going for "quaint", "retro", "vintage" and all I can think is HOLY CRAP, this is so weird!

We eat our burgers and leave to visit the rubber stamp store next door. The owner of the store is like one of the minor character of Steel Magnolias - not the stars but the next door shop owner who doesn't have any dialogue. She asks us if we saw the sign outside that said she was demoing paper punches. She was making flowers out of punches and thought it was the "neatest thing". She "just loves it!" Okay, this is like someone telling you that they got a new TV and it is the neatest thing cos it is COLOR! Flower punches were popular about 7 years ago. Weird.

As we continue on our day, with each mile that we drive further in this town, the stranger it gets. The people seemed to be more old fashioned and just plain strange. Finally I told Steff that I could not stand any more QUAINT - I want to go home!!

I feel like I need a bath to wash the quaint right off me. Can somebody please call my cell phone, play their Ipod or show me the date on a calendar cos I am weirded out? 2008 - right?

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